1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
