and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
