They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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