I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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