I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize