I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
