If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
