thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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