you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
