you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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