Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
how drunk are you?
Several
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
