There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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