he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
