he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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