I think my vagina is haunted
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize