i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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