So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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