we have officially lost it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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