Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
