i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
