I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
