I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
