I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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