The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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