New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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