My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
