He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
