The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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