Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
