I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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