Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
