I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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