Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
