Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
