Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
