The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
