If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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