in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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