life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
