help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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