Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
