i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
