I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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