Your mouth is God's brothel.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
