if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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