I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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