Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
