You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
