if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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