sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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