she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
