I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
