We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
