I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
