glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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