after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
