You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
