He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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