The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize