I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
