Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think I am morally bankrupt
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
