This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
