If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
