he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
