Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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