not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
