I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize