Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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