he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize