We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
