It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that's an acceptable place to lick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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